Nathan has been getting a lot of therapy lately. A whole lot. We had a wonderful IEP meeting with the school district a few weeks ago and they talked about all the progress Nathan has been making and how academically, he is right on target. There are problem areas (mainly socially and some acting out behaviors) but overall, they are very happy with how he is progressing. It was a very reassuring meeting on one hand. However, I was troubled by the horrible behavior we were experiencing at home. As the weeks went by, Nathan was becoming more and more aggressive and out of control. I was becoming seriously concerned and even talked to David about taking him to a psychiatrist. But then things changed.

My mom came to visit for a few days. As soon as Nathan saw her, he jumped into her arms and just sat curled up with her for a very long time. Over the course of the next few days, Nathan was a different kid. He was calm, well behaved, responsive, and loving. I watched as my kid who was completely miserable and out of control just a couple of days before, seemed happy and at peace. Every time we would say good-bye to my mom for the day, Nathan would cry for hours afterwards. He kept saying that he was empty and that it was too hard to say good-bye to grandma.

I did some serious soul searching during that time. I stepped back as I watched the interactions between my mom and Nathan and could see how she was just letting him be who he was. There was no agenda, no attempts to steer his behavior a certain direction, no prompting him to behave a certain way. There was nothing other than just being with him in the moment. I saw how Nathan drank this up like a person who has been deprived of water for a very long time.

After stepping back, I realized how 9 hours of therapy a day and constant attempts to get him to behave a certain way was depleting him. Could it be that in all our panic to try to help him we had forgotten to just appreciate the incredible little person he is? I think that may be the case. His joyful spirit was enraged and completely drained and that was a devastating thought.

So the past couple of weeks we have cut back on the therapy in the afternoon. We have focused on just enjoying who Nathan is without trying to shape the moment or worrying about the future. We have simply been spending time together as a family, having fun, and letting Nathan be a little boy who loves to play.

The results have been immediate. He is acting out less, behaving less aggressively, and is visibly happier and more relaxed. We still have our moments and hiccups now and then but overall, Nathan is a much happier and more secure kid and the result is a much more peaceful household.

I don’t ever want to forget to accept who Nathan is ever again. I just want enjoy this incredible little kid I get to call my son. He still gets a full 5 hours of therapy a day at school but we are cutting back on the therapy he gets at home. Instead, we are enjoying each others company and living life. After all, I don’t think there is any greater love to show than just accepting who someone is and celebrating their uniqueness. It’s time to start embracing what is in front of us instead of living in fear of the unknown. Somehow all that stuff has a way of working itself out anyway.