Tues. 12/8
I am sitting in a coffee shop (Starbucks – big surprise there) while I wait for my dad to get done leading a group counseling session. I touched down in Los Angeles just a couple of hours ago. Other than seeing my dad, which is always a special treat, I have to admit that I was dreading being back in LA again. But just a mere two hours into this visit, I have come to some important realizations.

1: I do not hate LA. I couldn’t believe that as the plane began to land, feelings of excitement actually began to creep in. Not just to see my dad, but to be back again. I have screamed to the hilltops and back about how much I have hated it here over the years and how I never really belonged here. But as I sit here now, I feel like I am back in my hometown again and it’s a surprising sensation. That’s not to say I am not thrilled with Austin and deeply happy we relocated there – because I am both. But it genuinely feels good to be back. I finally get to enjoy LA instead of survive it.

2: I miss my dad. Not much makes me happier than spending time with my dad and this trip, I get to have him all to myself. He gets along with David so well that I often complain to Dave that he is “hogging dad” when we get together! But this trip, sans kids, it gets to be just me and him and I’m happy about that J

And now, it’s off to dinner and the theater!

Wed. 12/9
I am DONE!!! I finished my final presentation today for nursing school. I can’t believe it. A lot of new faces have come and gone throughout this program but I walked out the door with the same four people I sat in class with on the first day. It was an indescribable feeling – almost bittersweet. We said our congratulations, good-bye’s, let’s-keep-in-touch’s and I walked out the door to the parking lot where my dad was waiting to pick me up. I got in the car and immediately burst into tears. All the hardships, sacrifices, triumphs, and sheer determination fell upon me. It was as though I never allowed myself to really pay attention to how hard it all was while I was going through it, but in that moment I saw what I had accomplished. And I was proud.

Thurs. (written Friday) 12/10

Travel day and general chaos of a family outing. David and the kids and I had tickets to go to Austin’s Trail of Lights. This is no small event. It’s like a little Christmas festival and requires a lengthy walk through a trail of lights and other decorations until you make it a mile down the road to Santa. After Santa there is still quite a way to go until you make it back to the beginning and then have to walk all the way back to the car. I will say, objectively, that it was beautiful, loads of fun and something I want to make a yearly tradition. But this is not how the night went. In the general chaos of getting out the door to beat the crowds (I had paid extra for a special ticket allowing for early entry), I was feeling on edge. Waking up early, dealing with the insanity of LAX, and arriving back to a messy house was less than relaxing. Combine that with children who were behaving badly, I was sent nearly over the edge. Eventually we managed to get out the door, drive an hour through rush hour traffic, make a few wrong turns, and finally arrived at the event. As we parked, I realized how massive this thing was but it looked amazing and I couldn’t wait to get going… until, with complete and utter horror, I discovered I forgot the boys’ shoes. I nearly died. There was no going back home and there was no rescheduling. The boys were thrilled to see the lights and we had fought so hard to get there. Again, my frayed nerves almost lost it. David said we were going to charge ahead anyway with or without shoes. The solution was for me to carry Colin in the Ergo, William would go in the stroller and Nathan would sit on David’s shoulders. This would have been fine if the walk hadn’t been so long. Long story short, the boys walked barefoot in the dark some of the ways, my legs were killing me from walking so far with Colin strapped to me and David forged ahead while the boys took turns in the stroller and on his shoulders. A fun evening turned into a mini nightmare. The kids were hyper from not expending much energy since they were being carried and David and I were exhausted. Nonetheless, I am happy we went. I am looking forward to going again next year (knowing what we know now) and of course, forcing everyone to put on their shoes before they get in the car. Mom of the year, I am not.

I have been uncharacteristically excited about this holidays this year. Perhaps it’s because the kids are getting older and the wonders and joys of the season are more exciting to them now. Maybe it’s because I get to cook the dinners myself and we can create our own traditions. I don’t know what it is but I am soaking it all up!

I was SO excited to cook Thanksgiving dinner this year. I have never cooked anything other than dessert for the holidays before and was terrified things wouldn’t turn out… especially since I tried all new recipes. And despite Nathan’s protests that he should hunt the turkey in the wilderness, pluck the feathers and roast it himself, we bought one at the grocery store. I brined it before hand and I think that was the magic trick that made it come out so delicious and moist. I made green beans with onions and tomatoes, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, and pumpkin pie. The only thing that didn’t turn out was the gravy, which resulted in me sending David out on a frantic trip to the grocery store to buy some. I was supposed to use the drippings from the turkey but there were next to none in the bottom of the pan. I don’t understand it. But since good gravy seems to stress me out so much, I think I’ll stick to buying it from now on.

Before kids, Thanksgiving was my favorite holiday. I never cared for Christmas and dreaded it every year but since having kids, Christmas is slowly making it’s way back up to the top of my list. To make things even better, there are so many wonderful things to do here around this time of year. Now that it’s officially December, I can start planning out new traditions. One tradition that I started about 9 years ago is going to see the Nutcracker every year. Unfortunately, since the kids were born, we have only managed to get out and see it once, but I am pleased to report that I have childcare lined up and we bought our tickets once again! Before I met David, I dragged my dad to see it each year. After David came into the picture, my dad was almost gleeful to hand the tradition of taking me over to him. But he didn’t get off the hook that easily since I insisted the three of us now go see it together. Ha! But since dad is safely in California, he now is protected from suffering through another ballet production.

Next week I fly back to Los Angeles for my absolute last assignment for all of nursing school! I have to give a 30-minute presentation on a group project and then I can finally close the door it. I can’t even describe the growing elation I am feeling about finally being done! To replace nursing school, I am now signing up for classes about things I actually enjoy – like writing and photography! Yay!

I can’t say that my trip to CA doesn’t come without some anxiety. The longest I have ever been away from any of my kids is 7 hours. This time, I’ll be gone for en entire day and a half. Yikes! But David has taken off work so he can stay home with them so I know they will be in good hands. But still, I can’t help but worry. Although I must admit that my worry alternates with complete glee over this mini working vacation. In fact, I think it’s safe to say I am entirely guilt-free 😉