I am so elated over Colin’s arrival. I don’t handle pregnancy well. It’s very hard on me phsycially and emotionally and I have never been able to connect during pregnancy so the flood of emotion that overcomes me immediately after delivery is always amazing. It’s like falling instantaneously in love and knowing it will last through eternity. Words will always fall short describing that experience.

David’s parents arrived in town on Friday the 12th and my water broke after we arrived home from the airport at about 3:30pm. This is pretty much exactly what happened with William’s birth excpet that my water broke when David went to pick them up from the airport while I stayed home. It’s an amazing coincidence!

I was sitting on the floor with William when it happened and then ran to the bathroom. Nathan followed me and I told him excitedly that baby Colin was going to be born and that dad and I had to go to the hospital now. Nathan’s face completely lit up and he was SO excited. He began to fly all around the house saying, “Baby Colin is coming!!!” It was very sweet and he wanted to come to the hospital so badly but I promised him that he could visit the next day and that seemed to help calm him a bit.

I wasn’t having any contractions after my water broke and was worried that the labor would go similarly to William’s in that it would start and stop, contractions would be irregular resulting in problems with the baby’s heart rate, etc. Because of my experience with William, the drive to the hospital was filled with a bit of anxiety. I had been to the doctor that morning and was not dilated at all so my mind started running away with all the interventions that may need to be done to get things going. Every now and then I’d have a painless tightening type of contraction but no sign of real labor other than my water breaking.

As with William’s birth, my doctor was already at the hospital due to another patient needing to be induced so he was there to check things out as soon as we arrived. I was 2cm dilated and contracting regularly every 3-5 minutes even though I could hardly register them. He told me I didn’t need to be hooked up to the monitor the entire time and was free to walk around. Then he turned to the nurse and said, “I am 10 minutes away, but I would appreciate more than 10 minutes notice before I need to be here.” We all laughed but little did I know that was a major foreshadowing of what was to come! So after 20 minutes of monitoring, they unhooked me and I spent the next several hours walking around the room or standing next to the bed when they would hook me back up for 20 minutes to see how things were looking.

I was filled with excited anticipation. Contractions stayed painless for the next three hours until about 6pm. That’s when things began to pick up. I was contracting regularly ever 2-3 minutes and they were starting to get more intense. Colin’s heart rate was beautiful the entire labor so I was very relieved to not have that anxiety hanging over me while I worked through the contractions.

By 8:00ish, I was in the full swing of things. I do not labor silently. I make a lot of low, painful moaning sounds if that makes any sense. I clung to David for support and he was such an amazingly calm and soothing presence. With my arms wrapped around his neck and my head buried against his side, he helped me stand (for some reason I was terrified to sit or lie down). After every contraction I was so exhausted that I would almost doze against David for 30-60 seconds until the next one came. When the nurse came in to check on me, she asked to check my cervix to see how things were progressing since I was obviously struggling. When she checked me, I was about 6cm. I knew at that moment if I declined an epidural, I was basically deciding to do the entire thing naturally. I had a feeling things would go very quickly and an epidural beyond that point would be too difficult. I thought to myself that the contractions would likely get longer and closer together but perhaps the pain of each one would not increase, so I turned down the epidural and decided to go for it.

After about 50 minutes the nurse came back in. She could hear me all the way down the hall. I wasn’t screaming but the more painful the contractions became, the higher pitched and louder I became.

“I need to check you immediately,” she said.

I was in so much pain that I was no longer able to comply or respond rationally to anything being asked of me. She and David helped me into bed and I was 9cm.

The nurse flew out of the room and began what I assume was a frantic attempt to get the doctor back to the hospital immediately. With an epidural, you can take your time but there is no telling a naturally laboring woman to hold on and wait for the doctor to push if she is fully dilated. Suddenly the room was full of people scrambling to get the room ready with a another doctor just in case I delivered before the 10 minutes it was going to take for my regular doctor to arrive. I could imagine my doctor’s horror when the nurse said he had 10 minutes or even less to get to the hospital!

As I said before, I no longer had any rational emotion or ability left in me. I was screaming at people not to touch me but not hearing or being able to respond to any of their requests. My doctor arrived just as I was about fully dilated and ready to go. I remember shouting don’t touch me repeatedly at him too. A usually very relaxed and mild mannered man, he suddenly dropped his voice a few octaves and said, “Listen now, we’re here to have a baby. I have to touch you!”

I really thought that without an epidural, I would know exactly when to push or my body would just start doing it instinctively but this was not the case. I couldn’t focus on anything so I relied on the doctor and nurse telling me exactly what to do. As soon as I started pushing, I stopped feeling the intense pain so much. But I could also tell I wasn’t pushing correctly. I kept trying every time a contraction came but wasn’t making any progress. Then suddenly, I felt the progress. I think I had the baby out in three pushes once I got to that point. Colin was born at 10:03pm 🙂

Relief was immediate. They put Colin on my chest and the doctor exclaimed in surprise, “He’s huge! Much bigger than your other two!” I had been measuring a bit small during my prenatal visits so this was a big surprise for all of us. He looked so healthy and solid. David, Colin and I spent the next few hours resting with each other and getting to know the newest member of our family. It was amazing. I could not take my eyes off of him. Will I have a natural birth again? Never in a trillion years. I am all about getting an epidural next time! But we made it through and in the end, the only thing that matters is a healthy mom and baby.

I now know that there is nothing on earth that makes me happier than having a baby. I feel happiest and most at peace when I have a newborn in my arms. Nothing has ever made me feel more complete and fulfilled than holding my babies and watching my family grow. So welcome to the world, Colin. You are loved, celebrated, and cherished by us all.

 

I can’t believe I haven’t blogged about this pregnancy once. Not a single time. I was giving weekly updates with Nathan from week 20 on and I think I did with William too. I hope this little guy doesn’t hold it against me. I’ve only taken 2 belly shots too. Oh dear.

I’ve noticed that I tend not to write lately if I am stressed or things are too hectic. I’ve written if I am angry or depressed before and learned that those two emotions and writing definitely don’t mix well. But writing only when you’re happy is pretty unrealistic too since life isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. I think writing when I am feeling reflective is probably the best time so here it goes.

After coming home from vacation in August, life was definitely a roller coaster. Since I tend to get motion sickness very easily, it was not a pleasant time to say the least. I wasn’t handling stress well, feeling very reactive with my husband and kids and generally overwhelmed with a deep fear of life in general.

Then suddenly, something shifted. I have no idea what it was but I am so thankful for it. I began finally feeling like I could manage my life. We were going through a very challenging time with Nathan and I managed to stop reacting with anger, fear and desperation and started leading by example. By remaining calm, in control and positive in the face of chaos, things started turning around.

Instead of feeling increasingly hysterical and irrational in my marriage, I started to feel more grounded.

Rather than reacting to Los Angeles with rage and paralyzing fear, I started seeing the huge network of support we have here. I began to see opportunity, connection and perhaps even a little fun.

Slowly, day after day, I began gluing the pieces of myself back together that had completely shattered. I suppose that instead of feeling like every single second that ticked by was a threat to my very existence, I learned the value in setting my sails and weathering the storm.

Before William’s birth, I couldn’t fathom what it would be like for another human being to join our family. I feel much the same way this time. I just can’t connect with the idea that we will soon be a family of five. But I am relieved to feel that at least baby #3 will be brought into a home that has some backbone to it now. Things may be challenging and at times feel overwhelming, but I no longer think I will completely fracture. I hope that I continue navigating the waters instead of constantly jumping overboard for fear the boat will sink. I don’t think this boat ever sinks. And my family deserves someone who will stay at the wheel.

Can I just tell you about the morning I’ve had over here? David was gone all night at work and got home around 8:30am. He was understandably exhausted and laid down on the couch to take a nap. The boys were playing in the living room and before David fell into a deep sleep, I decided I had better take a quick shower. Nathan had been very thirsty earlier that morning and asked for two glasses of orange juice so I knew he likely had to pee. Before getting into the shower I told Nathan we had better try and use the bathroom. He refused. He said he wanted to go on the couch. I told him that was not an option and that the only place for pee was in the toilet. He refused again. This went on for a good 6-7 minutes before I got fed up and told him that after I got out of the shower we would try again but if there was pee on the floor or the couch when I got back, he would not be getting any ice cream for dessert. Nathan stood his ground so I went off to shower…

I had been in the shower for a total of three blissful minutes and was all soaped up with shampoo in my hair when Nathan (who had taken off all his clothes) opened the shower door and began to pee into the shower. He missed the shower for the first two seconds and pee had gotten on the shower ledge outside. I didn’t know whether to be angry or relieved that at least he hadn’t gone on the couch. Then he tried climbing into the shower saying he wanted to take a shower too. At that exact same moment William came flying around the corner and began to dump a bunch of toys into the toilet. I had Nathan by one arm trying to keep him from stepping into the pee but was powerless to stop William from filling the toilet with toys. At this point I had soap getting in my eyes, was half in and half out of the shower and water was getting everywhere.

I had only one option. I called frantically for David, who by this time had fallen asleep. My yells must have been loud enough because I heard a thud coming from the living room and then David ripping around the corner and running towards the bathroom. I must have woken him up from a dead sleep because his expression was 1/2 completely dazed and 1/2 as though he expected to see us all lying in a bloody heap on the floor fighting for our lives. Once he realized nobody’s life was in danger, he gathered his wits and helped take control of the situation.

This was not funny at the time. My nerves were frayed and it was only 9am. After we cleaned up the mess and everyone dried off I decided that a visit from Grandpa was in order so I called my dad to see if he wanted to come by for a while to keep us company while David went back to sleep. Once Grandpa came to the house I decided to tell him the story and started laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my cheeks and could barely get a sentence out. I told him I didn’t know whether I should laugh or cry at the whole ordeal. I think I managed to accomplish both!

Oh my. It has been quite a summer and I am very happy to see it officially ending. We’ve had lots of changes around here and it’s a relief to finally start our new routines.

David has a new job as an assistant nurse manager of a PACU (post-anasthesia care unit) and now works days Monday-Thursday. This has been our first week of the new schedule although he goes in a 7am for the next two weeks for training and then he begins his regular 9am-7:30pm hours. So far he loves it and I am definitely digging this whole working days thing. No more zombie husband, no more working major holidays, no more lonely nights! He starts school again next week, which will bring with it it’s share of stress but at least we are in the final stretch!

Nathan started school this week. He starts at 8am and ends at 2:15pm, which gets him out of the house and gives me a bit of a break from the chaos. So far he loves being back in school and I am thrilled to see him enjoying it so much. He also started a social skills class for two hours on Sunday and loved that as well. I think we are in for another year of tremendous growth from him 🙂

William started Gymboree this week and he LOVED his first class! It was so cute to see him enjoying himself. It’s only once a week but we are free to use the gym during free play hours, which gives us something fun to do while Nathan is in school. I thought William would be a bit sad with his brother gone at school but he seems to be liking the interrupted play and cuddle time. He is talking more and more and we have definitely entered the “terrible two’s” phase. He can be quite a challenge sometimes so we are having to set firmer limits with him but overall he is such a joy. William has the ability to brighten anybody’s day 🙂

I have been doing ok. I have suffered a lot of the same exhaustion problems that I went through with Nathan’s pregnancy so while the baby has been healthy, I have been having a rough time functioning due to the debilitating fatigue. There are times I am so exhausted that I have trouble standing for any period of time, which is especially hard when I am trying to get the boys out the door to get Nathan to school. It seems to come and go in waves for days at a time. Things started getting a little bit better at about 22-25 weeks with Nathan’s pregnancy and I am 23 weeks now so let’s hope that I start feeling better soon!!! School also started for me again this week. Time to hit the books… again! I am taking Contemporary Issues in Children’s Health and Pathophysiology. I think I will love pathophysiology. Anatomy, Physiology and Pharmacology have always been my strongest areas academically. Let’s just hope I can find the energy and time to study!!!

We have been given free respite care from the state for Nathan, which is basically like having a free babysitter once a week so David and I can have a date night. I am SO excited to get started with it. I also found a new musician from Australia that I really like and he happens to be playing at a little theater in Hollywood in November. I already bought tickets for David and I to go hear him and I am thrilled. It’s a tiny little place called the Fonda Theater so it won’t be overwhelming for me like a big concert and believe it or not I have not been to Hollywood for a night out since I was 20!!! I’ll be VERY pregnant at the time but I don’t care. A night out on the town is a night out and I am already counting down. His name is Vance Joy and I am loving his music at the moment. His album comes out in September but he has 4 songs released already. Yay!

So that is what’s been going on with us lately! Lots of good and necessary changes!

Nathan has been getting a lot of therapy lately. A whole lot. We had a wonderful IEP meeting with the school district a few weeks ago and they talked about all the progress Nathan has been making and how academically, he is right on target. There are problem areas (mainly socially and some acting out behaviors) but overall, they are very happy with how he is progressing. It was a very reassuring meeting on one hand. However, I was troubled by the horrible behavior we were experiencing at home. As the weeks went by, Nathan was becoming more and more aggressive and out of control. I was becoming seriously concerned and even talked to David about taking him to a psychiatrist. But then things changed.

My mom came to visit for a few days. As soon as Nathan saw her, he jumped into her arms and just sat curled up with her for a very long time. Over the course of the next few days, Nathan was a different kid. He was calm, well behaved, responsive, and loving. I watched as my kid who was completely miserable and out of control just a couple of days before, seemed happy and at peace. Every time we would say good-bye to my mom for the day, Nathan would cry for hours afterwards. He kept saying that he was empty and that it was too hard to say good-bye to grandma.

I did some serious soul searching during that time. I stepped back as I watched the interactions between my mom and Nathan and could see how she was just letting him be who he was. There was no agenda, no attempts to steer his behavior a certain direction, no prompting him to behave a certain way. There was nothing other than just being with him in the moment. I saw how Nathan drank this up like a person who has been deprived of water for a very long time.

After stepping back, I realized how 9 hours of therapy a day and constant attempts to get him to behave a certain way was depleting him. Could it be that in all our panic to try to help him we had forgotten to just appreciate the incredible little person he is? I think that may be the case. His joyful spirit was enraged and completely drained and that was a devastating thought.

So the past couple of weeks we have cut back on the therapy in the afternoon. We have focused on just enjoying who Nathan is without trying to shape the moment or worrying about the future. We have simply been spending time together as a family, having fun, and letting Nathan be a little boy who loves to play.

The results have been immediate. He is acting out less, behaving less aggressively, and is visibly happier and more relaxed. We still have our moments and hiccups now and then but overall, Nathan is a much happier and more secure kid and the result is a much more peaceful household.

I don’t ever want to forget to accept who Nathan is ever again. I just want enjoy this incredible little kid I get to call my son. He still gets a full 5 hours of therapy a day at school but we are cutting back on the therapy he gets at home. Instead, we are enjoying each others company and living life. After all, I don’t think there is any greater love to show than just accepting who someone is and celebrating their uniqueness. It’s time to start embracing what is in front of us instead of living in fear of the unknown. Somehow all that stuff has a way of working itself out anyway.

It has been oh so long since I have written in this blog. I guess that’s what happens when you return to school and take on a full load. LIfe is busy!

I started school in January and while this program is part-time, I decided to take a full load this semester so I could make life a little easier for myself later on. Life is never going to get any easier with two growing boys so I may as well start out strong. This way I cushion myself in case something should come up that would require me to take a lighter load later on. I am taking four classes: 2 of the required nursing classes (Nursing Research and Professional Nursing) along with Political Science, which fills my last lower division requirement and Asian American Film Studies, which fills a cultural requirement along with an upper division general education requirement so it’s like killing two birds with one stone. Now I only have 2 extra classes I need to take in addition to my nursing classes instead of the four additional classes required to graduate.

My classmates ask me how in the world I do it when they are already really stressed out with just the two nursing classes and I can honestly say that after that stupid chemistry class last semester, this is a piece of cake. That one chemistry class was by far harder than all four of these classes combined! I am not saying I don’t get stressed (things are a little stressful now since I am about 1/2 way through the semester and the research papers I have to write are starting to pile up) but I am still far less stressed than I was last semester.

I must say that it feels SO good to be back in school and actually working toward my degree with an actual finish line in sight (December 2015)! I feel happier, healthier, and more fulfilled. I don’ t think I will ever stop going to school. After this, I have my eye set on my Master’s already and then maybe even my PhD. But first I have to make it through an infuriating group project this semester and research papers to write!

David is doing great in school as well. His graduation date is June 2015, which is really right around the corner. It’s hard to believe that he is more than 1/2 way through his MBA program when it seemed like absolutely forever when he started. Time is flying!

They boys are doing great as well. Nathan is busy all day with therapy and school but he seems to really love it. We are still dealing with some very challenging behaviors but I am so proud of him. He has come a long way in one year.

William is also doing great. He continues to be his funny, mischievous little self and is such a joy. We recently moved him and Nathan into the same bedroom and it’s going great. Nathan now doesn’t protest going to bed nearly as much and neither does William because they keep each other company. They also go to bed at the same time now at 8pm, which leaves me a larger chunk of time in the night to do my school work. So at least life is getting a lot easier in the bedtime department since they started sharing a room.

I think that about catches you up! I am going to try and write more regularly since I always feel better afterwards. Having a blog is like therapy! I never go back and read my previous posts (I always feel like I would be mortified or filled with regret by what I wrote if I did). After all, I can only write my inner truth of the moment and that is always changing anyway, so what is the point? I hope you all have a great weekend!

Our Hawaiian vacation this year turned out much differently than we had planned. Let’s just start with the plane ride over. It’s a long flight at about 5 hours and 20 minutes. The last flight we took Nathan got motion sickness and threw up repeatedly for the last hour. It was miserable and I was determined to never go through that again. So this time I went to the drug store and bought some children’s dramamine. The side effect is that it makes you pretty drowsy but I thought that really wasn’t a big deal since he could just sleep on the plane. I was so very wrong. 4 out of the 5.5 hours we were on the plane was a blood-curdling, thrashing, screaming tantrum. People all over the plane were looking at us and I screamed out “STOP STARING AT US!!! THERE IS NOTHING MORE WE CAN DO!!!” A number of people came over and tried to help by offering Nathan candy and snacks which he immediately threw over the seats. Finally, after three hours of this, Nathan fell asleep for an hour and a half. I thanked god that we were over the worst but the second he woke up the tantrum began again at full force for the last hour of the flight. It was a nightmare that I will never get over. Needless to say I was VERY happy to land and I am sure all the other passengers were too.

The second we were off the plane the tantrum stopped and Nathan was back to normal. Grandma picked us up and we ran some errands before heading over to David’s sister’s house in Kailua, which is where we stay. I was bracing myself for another tantrum once we arrived at Anne’s house thinking that he would want to touch all sorts of things he wasn’t allowed to touch. Thankfully this was not the case. When we arrived at the house all delicate things had been packed up and there was a massive room for us in the back with a huge box of toy animals for Nathan and William. I nearly cried I was so thankful. I am sure a lot of effort went in to child-proofing their home for Nathan and William’s arrival and it was above and beyond anything I could have ever imagined. The boys immediately began to play and all was well in the world again.

The next day we woke up early from being on pacific time and headed over to Uncle Fred’s house. Nathan is particularly fond of Fred and had a great time visiting him and seeing all his pets. He has chickens, lizards, dogs and turtles among other things. Nathan assumed we were at the zoo and began to ask for leopards and elephant seals after seeing the lizards and chickens. William slept in the car for most of the time but when he woke up, he had a great time chasing Nathan and the dog around. After an hour or two, we packed up and headed to the beach for the rest of the day. We had such a great time that day and William was still in high spirits with no sign of getting sick at all. Things would start to change the next day.

On Wednesday we went to the Honolulu Zoo and ran around for a few hours. William seemed a tad bit tired to me but was still having fun playing. As the day went on however he looked like the heat was getting to him a bit so we went home to relax for the rest of the day. Everything was going well and we put the kids to bed around 10pm (8pm California time). Suddenly around 11pm William woke up very restless and was having a lot of trouble breathing. He wasn’t asthmatic but was rather having a lot of trouble getting air into his lungs. David and I knew not to wait it out because a baby’s airway are so tiny that even a little inflammation can be an emergency. I ran out to tell Anne we were going to the ER for a breathing treatment and she said that she would make sure Nathan was okay while we were gone. I cannot tell you how thankful I am for David’s family. They are so supportive and I knew that Nathan would be just fine while we were at the hospital. I truly thought that it was some mild allergy and that we would get a breathing treatment and be home in a few hours. I was once again very wrong.

As we drove to the hospital William’s condition deteriorated and he began having retractions, which is a breathing pattern that signals severe respiratory distress. That’s pretty much an emergency situation and we raced to the closest hospital instead of making the drive over the mountain to the children’s hospital. They shot us into the back and immediately started an albuterol breathing treatment. He began to cough like a barking seal so the doctor just assumed it was a case of the croup. William didn’t respond the the breathing treatment so they started another. We placed William on our chest while we were leaning back in the bed so that he was leaning forward. This was the only position that afforded him any relief and it appeared that perhaps things were getting better. The doctor discharged us but we didn’t even make it past the parking lot before William started having severe distress again and could barely swallow his saliva. We raced back in there knowing there was once again no time to make it to the children’s hopsital. This time the doctor ordered a racemic epinipherine breathing treatment and chest x-ray to see if he had perhaps aspirated something along with a soft tissue x-ray of his throat to check for swelling. He warned us that if the soft tissue x-ray came back abnormal it could possibly be a life threatening abscess developing in his throat and that they would be racing him to Kapiolani Children’s Hospital for surgery. We were all very concerned since William was hardly responding to the breathing treatments at all and things would just continue go from bad to worse.

After the x-rays, we went back to his bed and he seemed to be getting a little better and responding to the racemic epinepherine treatments. After about an hour, the doctor came back with bad news. The soft tissue x-ray came back looking as though there were some swelling in the throat indicating tracheitis or a possible abscess. Four different radiologists looked at the x-rays and all came to the same conclusion – an emergency CT scan. I absolutely freaked out. I was upset about just the x-rays due to radiation exposure and now a CT scan. However, due to the severity of the situation and the unstable condition of William, we consented and allowed the scan.

This was one of the worst parts. William was so scared and I just wanted to pick him up and run. David and I felt so helpless. The look of fear in his eyes just about ripped my heart out. I’ll never forget it. Not to mention ensuring that he didn’t move was stressful for everyone in the room. From the doctor to the nurses to the scan operator, we all held our breath that William would remain still and we wouldn’t have to repeat the scan. Thankfully the scan took about 15 seconds and William did very well. There was a clap for all around success and we were wheeled back to our space in the ER and waited for the results as William got more breathing treatments due to continued respiratory distress. The doctor came back about an hour later saying it looked as though everything was ok and there was no abscess. However, William was looking worse and worse. He called the children’s hospital so we could be transferred there for additional help. There was no greater relief I felt than when the transport team came to take us via ambulance to the children’s hospital.

William was looking awful when the team arrived. By this time his fever had spiked to over 104 and he was beginning to have trouble breathing again. They gave him a Tylenol suppository, immediately began another breathing treatment and called the hospital to let the doctor know that William needed to go straight to intensive care. The transport team was so on top of it and took over everything. I felt so relieved to have people who dealt with a pediatric population and really trusted that they would get us to the hospital ok. By this time David had gone home to take care of Nathan so Anne could go to work and William and I headed to the children’s hospital by ourselves.

Once we got to our room, William was looking much better due to the Tylenol and the breathing treatment really starting to even things out. However, the doctors were very concerned and immediately put him on steroids and antibiotics since nobody really knew what was wrong. They started an IV and put a respiratory therapist right outside of our room in case of emergency. Sure enough, we needed the respiratory therapist very soon when William began having trouble breathing again. After about 2 hours the doctor came up and said that actually there was an area of concern on the CT scan. He said if things got any worse, William may need a breathing tube, another CT scan and surgery if there was actually an abscess. I knew we were in an emergency situation and just prayed that William would turn the corner for the better.

The next 24 hours was a waiting game that suddenly turned in our favor. Every three hours William was unable to breathe again after the breathing treatment wore off. He got his last breathing treatment around 8pm and we tried to get some sleep. Miraculously William never needed another breathing treatment again. He was suddenly able to breathe without distress and by the morning his lung sounds were clear, there was no fever and he was ready for breakfast after not being allowed to eat for more than 24 hours. The doctor came up and said that he was thrilled with William’s numbers and if things stayed as good as they were, we could even be discharged in the next day or two. William was feeling so much better that he began to want to get off the bed and roam around the ICU. Trying to keep a toddler in a bed while keeping his IV lines from getting tangled is a challenge I would not wish on anyone!

Finally, the case was transferred over to the doctor who was originally supposed to take over from the other hospital before the change of plans to stay in ICU. She came in and I immediately liked her. William’s lung sounds were still clear, no fever and he was even smiling and wanting to play. She said that she felt confident transferring him to the floor and giving the medications by mouth instead of IV. She said that the fact that David and I were nurses played a major role in her decision to let William be transferred to the floor and possibly even be discharged later that night if things continued to go well.

We were transferred to our new room where William was able to walk around and play. He was pretty much back to his old self just tired and visibly worn. He still had a nasty cough but at least he was breathing clearly. The doctor came back later that afternoon and said that we were ok to go home that evening and she trusted that we would bring him back if there was any distress at all. She even gave us a steroid to give him in case of emergency. The nurse came in and said that he was surprised William was so sick. He told us that the normal steroid dose for a child is 0.5-1.0mg per kilo of body weight and that William was so sick he needed 5mg kilo!

David was able to come and go during this entire time thanks to his family helping out with Nathan. Nathan got to spend the day with Uncle Fred the day before and then hung out with Uncle Eddie and Auntie Jeanelle that night. We were so lucky to have family around during this time. That evening, David and Nathan came to pick us up and we headed back to his sister’s house. We were, of course, paranoid the rest of the trip and stayed close to home to entire time except for William’s baptism on Saturday.

The baptism went very well and you would never have known William had been sick for the rest of our stay. He bounced right back to his usual self. After the baptism we came home so William could relax and David and I prepared for our last full day in Hawaii. On sunday we got to spend time hanging out with David’s family and just generally taking it easy. I was so happy to end everything on a good note and so grateful for William’s recovery.

Thankfully, our flight home was the complete opposite of our flight out. I didn’t give Nathan the dramamine and decided to risk the vomiting. He was an angel the entire flight. He slept for 2.5 hours and watched videos the last 2.5 hours. The flight ended up being extremely bumpy and Nathan did dry heave once but luckily there was no throwing up. We got home close to midnight and the boys were so wound up that we didn’t end up going to bed until close to 1:30am but that’s the price you pay for switching time zones!

Christmas Eve morning we took William to follow up with his regular pediatrician and she said that it appeared as though he had tracheitis in addition to the croup, which is why the turn around was so fast once the antibiotics were started. But luckily she gave William a clean bill of health and said that she was happy he was back to feeling good again.

We were so sad to leave this trip. Aside from William’s illness, the boys had such a fabulous time and it was so nice to be surrounded by love and support. Seeing the boys surrounded by that much family is a special experience. It was very hard to leave and say goodbye to everyone. Hawaii has become one of my favorite places as much for the people there as for it’s beauty. Let’s just hope that next time we all stay well and can actually take advantage of all Hawaii has to offer 🙂

Thanksgiving has become one of my favorite holidays. To have an entire day set aside purely to be thankful for what we have in our lives is a very special thing. The older I get, I find myself being less angry and instead becoming more reverent to all the gifts in my life. Even through very difficult times, there are always things to be thankful for. You may have to search deeply for them, but they’re always present.

Every year, I try to pick a charity to donate to. In 2011 David and I went to the toy store and bought toys to donate to a children’s hospital. In 2012, we bought toys for children who’s parents are in prison. This year it was money to help people in the Philippines. I also thought about trying to convince my dad to buy a whole heard of goats to donate to an entire village through some special program but I thought that was maybe a bit of a stretch. Next year dad!

Now I want to start bringing the kids on board. One lesson I really want to instill in them is to always be appreciative for what they have in their lives and find ways to help others who are less fortunate. So I have decided to start a new tradition with them… once they are old enough to understand. The tradition will change and adapt to their maturity level as they get older but I think I have found a good starting point. We will start with something simple that Nathan can understand at his age, which I am sure will be centered around toys. We will go to the toy store and Nathan will pick out one toy that he thinks is very special. Then we will take it to a children’s hospital, church, shelter, you name it and Nathan will hand it over. It’s very simple. As the years go by this will evolve to meet their level of understanding but I figured this was a good starting point. I hope to get them physically volunteering somehow in their free time when they are older but for now this will do.

I really want to teach my boys how to see everything they have to be thankful for and be inspired to give back to others. I am convinced it is a skill that needs to be nurtured from when they are young. We aren’t necessarily born with an innate ability to see these things. I am sure it will be met with groans and complaints but hopefully that will gradually diminish as they get older and are better able to understand. If you have found something that works for your family or have any tips of how to help the process along, I’d love to hear different ideas 🙂

This is one of the first years I haven’t had to tell myself to sit still and think of all the things I am thankful for just because it’s Thanksgiving. Instead, I notice that I’ve been developing a sight for it and am able to see it in everyday moments of my life. Even when I just want to crumble on the floor and quit, somehow it shines through even then. So this has been a very special Thanksgiving for me. Perhaps it comes with advancing age, maybe it’s through having kids or maybe just being humbled over and over again as I see ways I could have done things better. Either way, this holiday is taking on a whole new meaning for me and for that I am very… thankful!

I have had my official “I’m a mom” moment.  It is as random as my “Oh my God we are a family of 4” moment.  I’ll tell you my simple sudden realization that we are a family of 4 first.

David and I have to enroll for health insurance through his work every year.  Since we had a new addition last year, we enrolled with our new number of dependents for 2013.  When we got our insurance cards in the mail, there were two thick, plastic sheets with 2 insurance cards per page on it.  For a split second I said to myself, “Why are they sending us so many cards?!”  And then the realization hit me.  “Oh wow!  We have 2 kids!  We are a family of 4!”  I stuffed all the insurance cards into my rather large wallet and there they have remained ever since.  It was my “aha moment” for realizing we are a growing family.

My second moment came just yesterday.  Nathan has a little backpack that he takes to school with his lunch and an extra change of clothes.  It’s also the place the teachers stuff important papers with dates and events that happen throughout the school year.  Yesterday I opened Nathan’s back pack to see if he ate his lunch (he rarely does) and in it was an order form for school pictures.  It really shocked me for some reason.  “Oh wow!  We have a kid in school and now he’s getting school pictures!  I am a mom!”  I exclaimed this to David in the kitchen and he looked at me with the same puzzled/are you seriously just realizing this look that he gave me when I jumped up and down over the insurance cards.

I remember school pictures very well when I was a kid.  I would always give my mom the order form and that was that.  I rarely remembered the actual day until I was supposed to be standing in line and then I was happy because it meant a class was probably getting cut short.  Now the tables have officially turned.  Now it’s my kid giving me the order forms.  Crazy!

William keeps growing and growing and now he’s moving and moving too!  At his doctor’s appointment he was 30.25″ and 22lbs 12 oz.  He’s walking, climbing, and kicking.  The climbing has been a bit of a problem.  He likes to climb onto things like the couch, our bed, Nathan’s bed, etc and then has a tendency to fall off of them.  He can get down properly when he is thinking about it but the problem is sitting too close to the edge and then falling off backwards.  Luckily either David or myself has always been there to intervene before he hits the floor but at the rate he’s going, I fear it may only be a matter of time before he eventually tumbles off something!

William is such a delightful little guy.  His smile and personality brighten the room.  He also loves his big brother to pieces.  Whatever Nathan is doing, William wants to be doing it too.  Nathan loves William too and asks for him whenever he is taking a nap or if he goes to bed early.  Brotherly love is such a special thing watch blossom and seeing this relationship develop has been extra special to me.  It’s such a gift to have a sibling to grow up with and I am so happy William and Nathan get to experience it.

We celebrated William’s birthday at Grandpa’s house and this time Greg (my 1/2 brother) was in town visiting from Arizona, which made the whole evening all the more fun.  Grandpa cooked dinner on the grill and made his amazing mashed potatoes.   The kids were all smiles and having such a great time.  The whole night was so much fun!